Dear Abby: Boyfriend Shows True Colors After Lung Cancer Diagnosis
DEAR ABBY: I need your opinion. I have been with the same guy for 27 years. We never got married because we were both married before, and I didn’t want to do it again. I stayed by his side through the illness, the hard times and everything.
Four months ago I was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. I stopped by his house this week to pick up a carpet washer and ran into him having sex with a woman. I feel hurt, angry, angry, sad. It’s like, WHY? Do you think he did that and just got caught or what?
I said nothing. I just left. He called me later and told me that it was over between us because I am sick and “there is nothing I can do”. I am in shock. I do not know what to think. I have always been there for him. So why, now that I’m sick and need him the most, has he turned his back on me? – BLIND IN OHIO
DEAR BLIND: I’m so, so sorry that you had to find out this way – when the chips fell – that the man you’ve been involved with for 27 years isn’t really a man after all. I think he’s been doing this all these years.
Now is the time to get your friends and family together and let them know what’s going on. If you’ve been a caring, supportive friend or relative, they should be supportive of you during this difficult time. The American Cancer Society has support groups for people with cancer if you need to talk to someone. Its website is cancer.org. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers for both spiritual and physical recovery.
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DEAR ABBY: My family is torn apart by my older brother’s problem with me. It got worse over the years, even after she got married.
He seems to be upset with the way my life is going, and to upset me he copies everything I do. He got engaged and married around the same time as me. He also had a dog right after me, bought a car right after me, and decided he wanted to start a family as soon as my wife and I announced we were having a baby.
My parents constantly find excuses as to why his actions are justified. I do not know what to do. I tried to come to terms with him, but he pushed me away and said he hates me. It got to the point that I don’t want to be with any of my family anymore because they stand up for him on everything, despite the facts. What should I do? I seem to be the only person trying to reconcile the relationship and mend / reunite my family. – SAD BROTHER IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR BROTHER : I find it hard to believe that your family sides with a brother who says he “hates” his brother and refuses attempts at reconciliation. It is important for your mental health that you separate emotionally from your brother. By that I mean calm down resentment, live your life with your wife and child, and stop obsessing over what your brother is doing. That he literally follows in your footsteps shows that he either admires the choices you make or has no imagination. Neither should be a problem for YOU.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.